Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
