I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
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He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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