just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
