Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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