I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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