i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
