How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
