I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
