just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
