1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
