I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
