Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
