we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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