You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
