allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
