I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
