My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
