I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
