fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
