I don't remember. Are we still dating?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
