I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
