There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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