I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she peed on how many people?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
