Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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