before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
