I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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