**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
