yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
