I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
