whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
