do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
