Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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