i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
