I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
