if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
