He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
