did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
