Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
