they need to just BURY HIM!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
