So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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