Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Say something about gay babies.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
