Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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