I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
