someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
