She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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