is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
