Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
