how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
