I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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