So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
