I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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