Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
