moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
