I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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