they need to just BURY HIM!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
