every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
