I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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