Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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