I'm jealous of your bromance
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
