Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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