I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
