where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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