the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
