dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
