____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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