Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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