Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Pants 0. Shit 1.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
