So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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