if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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