I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
