I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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