My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
