Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
