My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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