i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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