You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
