I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The ass gains better be worth it
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