i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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