my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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