please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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