Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The dick lei will go down in squad history
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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