Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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