i just had sex bonerless
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
