I will die if light touches me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
