my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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