the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
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