i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
