I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I have vodka in my lungs
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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