There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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